Break Toh Banta Hai

Born in a family that loves its television, I have grown up watching lots of it. To express their love for TV and my viewing habits, my kin nicknamed me after a character on TV. Honestly we are not very particular about watching TV, we do have favourites, but watch everything that is shown on TV. Perhaps, the TV ‘dominated’ as such in most of the families in India. And I say ‘dominated’, because it no longer does so in mine. It is no more the glue that would bring us together during after dinner and lunch-time hours. What worries me the most is that the Indian soaps are failing to attract, while the foreign ones are becoming increasingly attractive.

I have discussed this with some people and most of them had reasons not directly concerned with TV for its failure. ‘Social networking’, ‘You are maturing’, ‘There are too many shows to attract your attention’ are some of the reasons that people had for my loss of interest in TV. While these may be true, I primarily attribute 5 reasons for the downfall of Indian TV.

1. All good things come to an end

Perhaps the biggest possible reason that fails Indian TV is the absence of the concept of ‘seasons’. The most memorable shows whether soaps or sitcoms have a lifetime (for instance Zabaan Sambhaal ke, Dekh Bhai Dekh, Khichdi, Sarabhai etc.). However, TV channels now are missing the plot by running shows aimlessly for years. That is where they need to learn from their American counterparts. Most US TV series last for six months, take a break for the remaining six and come back again. This not only provides a ‘creative’ break but also builds anticipation and interest. With forever running shows, there is a lack of story and the episodes move slower than the traffic on the Eastern Express Highway in July.

2. Character Dheela hai

Characterisation is the most misused by TV writers who go by the rule, ‘When the story fails, characterise’. While the character of every actor on the show must be detailed, introducing a character every time to compensate for the lack of plots does not mean ‘characterising’. Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai, for me, has the best character detailing, with the minimum number of actors and not even one of them wasted on the show. Adhitya Iyer ,who introduced me to this concept, would be the best person to elaborate further.

3. X + Y + Z = Success

Formula based success was the disease of Hindi movies. In recent times the Indian film industry seems to be cured of it but the TV industry is now suffering from the same.Adhitya Iyer once famously said that the biggest problem with this country is the lack of innovation. And how true he is when you put TV into that quote. If something is successful on TV it is emulated and imitated to such an extent when it becomes extinct (which takes a very, very long time). Abolished traditions, for instance, which were known to prevail during the times of dinosaurs, child marriage, female infanticide, child labour, animal sacrifice blah blah blah have been conceived so many times and in so may ways recently that an entire channel thrives on such shows. What disappoints further is that after a few weeks, these soaps blithely subside the concept(which was supposed to be their USP) and boil down to the same commonplace fight between people who are more evil than the devil and those more innocuous than the angels. You can almost forecast the happenings of every episode from then on. When such predictability comes in through the door, credibility goes out of the window.

4. Put your act together

There was a time when it was a rule that the good looking actors do films and the not so good looking ones were on TV. The times have certainly changed. But TV actors were primarily supposed to be good at acting and that is why they were always referred to as TV ‘actors’ and not TV ‘stars’. There is no harm in looking good, but compromising acting skills for that is pretty much harmful. And what is all the dance and song about? Please leave that to the films. It makes them look like ‘wannabe film stars’.

5. Well sung is half done

The title song or music is more representative than any other part of a TV show. A successful show is more often remembered by its title score than its name or actors. But that too has long been compromised for more commercial air time. If you love your creation than you ought to love every part of it so why the step-motherly treatment of the title song is beyond comprehension.

There may be arguments against the above. But unless the TV producers address them, I have taken a break from TV. However, more importantly, it is the TV that needs to take a break and revamp itself.

P.S.: Lately I have been following ‘Community’, ‘Modern Family’ and ‘Dexter’ like many around. But my sole inspiration for watching ‘Community’ and ‘Modern Family’ is their resemblance to ‘Zabaan Sambhaal Ke’ and ‘Dekh Bhai Dekh’ respectively.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family and Shekhar Suman in Dekh Bhai Dekh very effectively using the steps as an element throughout the series.

Saat Sau Khoon Maaf

Movies are a topic which I have avoided till now for the fear of digression. The silver screen fascinates me in a way that is comparable to the celestial bliss experienced when watching Sachin Tendulkar in action. But something about movies tilts the balance in their favour. I do not remember how many times I have walked away from the T.V. before Sachin completes his innings but I do know that I have never left the cinema hall before the end of a movie. And just like S.R.Tendulkar tries to learn from each of his dismissals, I try to concieve something from every film I watch, which may not necessarily be a moral lesson.

Then came 7 Khoon Maaf. Stumped, surprised and muddled. Without the presence of a certain Swinburn Miranda, I would not have been able to make any sense about the movie and like a newspaper reviewer would rate the movie as ‘too abstract for my understanding’. However, my respect for Vishal Bhardwaj as a film-maker kept on pricking me. I would often try to connect the dots but was not able to form any meaningful picture. Something had to give and then, it struck me.

I could have comprehended this even before watching the movie.It was there, laid bare to be grasped in the title itself. ‘ 7 Khoon Maaf’ rung a bell and my regard for Vishal Bhardwaj was elevated. Perhaps I was so lost in the literal understanding of the climax that I had not given thought to the allegorical interpretation of the entire movie.

Sahib, here, represents a human or more so a normal human with a tendency to commit mistakes. And mistakes is what she commits in the form of indulging herself in love and marrying the man to prolong the affection. But as quickly as she loses her heart to someone, Sahib realises that she has been erroneous. Taking lessons from her previous ungratifying experience, she falls again but this time for a man very different from the one before. Eventually, Sahib gives up on her hedonism.

Her romanticism and indifference to murdering a man are only part of the literal story and that is why not given much importance.The variety of men she is involved with, which is significant, is very well depicted.The men with very contrasting qualities represent a ‘distinct‘ mistake committed by Sahib each time. And that is where the allegory oozes out. As human beings, committing a mistake should not be shameful but not learning from one should be. A teacher of mine once said, “You should not be afraid to make mistakes, as long as you make a new one every time.” And Sahib does commit a new one each time which is reason enough to pardon her. Voila comes up ‘ 7 Khoon Maaf‘ where Khoon represents mistake.

The end, which seemed utterly inexplicable, now appears insignificant. Whatever happens in the end, till Sahib takes a lesson from her past, would justify the title. After all she committed only 7 and if he wanted the director could have filmed 700 and still the title itself would convey everything.

P.S. : This is, by no means, one of Vishal Bhardawaj’s best movies. The post is only to put the mind at ease after 7 days of contemplation.

image courtesy:http://www.realbollywood.com

11 point plan for England to win the World Cup




1. The World Cup may be held anywhere but all of England’s matches should take place at Wembley (including the Final,i.e. if they reach there).




2. All the European,North and South American teams (also Australia) should be kept on one side of the draw and England on the other side with African and Asian teams. And (if) England should play the other teams directly in the Final. It should also be ensured that the team reaching the Final has at least 5 players red-carded and 10 out injured, so with 8 players the opponents become inelligible and England win.




3. England should be allowed to pick their goalkeepers from teams that do not qualify and in case all good goalkeepers are at the World Cup, the English can pick one from the qualified teams.




4. If (3) is not good enough then England should play with two players in goal,one behind the other.The second choice keeper standing at the back to cover up any bloopers by the No.1 in front of him.(and how many of you are in favour of Paul Collingwood as the goalkeeper?)




5. No player (including the English) can be present within a radius of 1m around Ledley King because even a huff and a puff can bring Ledley down and out injured. This also implies during the training sessions.




6. Wayne Rooney can be sent off only after two red cards and some of his fouls are to be ignored by the referee( for the referee’s sake).




7. David Beckham should be allowed to take all the corners and free kicks though he may not be on the field, on the bench or among the 23. Also if the right winger is in a good position to cross,the players should stand in their positions till Beckham strips off his suit, puts on the kit and comes on to cross the ball. He may then go back and put on his Armani (or he may come on in the suit itself).




8. The referee should warn the English players against wasting time when the opponent is leading.




9. The English WAGs should stand behind the England goal to distract the opponents and there should be a break after every 10 minutes so that the English players can spend time with them.This way they will not yearn for them between matches.




10. England’s national anthem should be played first at every match so that when the opponents’ anthem is being played England can create a few chances and maybe score.




11. The English FA should appoint the Queen as the manager to avoid being censured by the press and the fans instead of shouting “Come on England” should shout “God save the Queen”.

Happy Women’s Day

I have often been asked in the past few years about the number of chicks I have managed to woo or the number of chicks who have managed to woo me. I have always avoided answering such queries and when I do respond to them with a honest-”none”, I receive a good lot of banter. Let me elucidate to all or rather any one eager to know my “chick-count” , that it is indeed “zero”.Period.

Now to the reasons behind this unsuccessful part of my life (that is if you consider it so). Women have always been a mystery to me or may be it is the other way round. I have men all around me successfully practicing their courting skills, while I am still figuring out “How do they do that?”

On not contemplating much and more by osmosis I have come up with a few reasons that contribute to my failure as a suitor.

1. Lack of female interaction.

I am from a co-ed school, but there were no girls in my class.(Not a good enough reason since there are many coming from ‘boys-only’ schools.)

I never went to Junior College, that is I never attended any lectures. And vegetated at a gaming parlour, where the odds in favour of interacting with a female are always the same-”zero”.

There was never a female two numbers before or after on the roll call of any list that I was part of. My project or practical groups always consist of  only males. Again, enough reason to lessen my chances of interacting with the fairer sex.

All the women in my building are at least in their late 30s and there is none younger than me. No luck here as well.

I have never been to any social gatherings where distant relatives introduce me to their daughters and give me the opportunity to strike a conversation. (This indeed happens. I know at least a bunch of people who attend social functions for this particular outcome.)

2. I don’t use the word “Cute”.

There are successful courters who find everything “cute”. The sight of a half-dead animal  or an irritated toddler makes them remove their cell-cum-camera and go “khachang”. And then along with a hoard of females they would go nuts over the pictures and with a false grin shout “So Cute,So Cute” thinking that the entire neighbourhood  envies them.

It is not that I hate kids or animals but why bother them.  It is as if you are a news reporter in search of a story and click pictures to create one so that you could seek attention.

3. I don’t pay any attention to my attire.

This came to light when a female friend of mine once told me that wearing Manchester United merchandise turns “devotchkas” (The Clockwork Orange lingo for good-looking females)off. But my love for football and Manchester United in particular is too much to give that up.

4. I have never changed my hairstyle since birth.

An interesting fact that I have noticed is that the most successful swains always, often mess up their hair and the ladies love to play with them.

5. I have never played the “slapping” or “wrist twist” game with any girls.

The game is simple. You slap her. She slaps you back. You twist her wrist. She slaps you back. The objective of the game-not known.

I would rather exchange wwe moves. At least there is a winner at the end.

6. I am not good at coding or for the fact,any practical stuff related to computer engineering subjects at all.

The point here is if you know something like that you will always be surrounded with chics though maybe only for the sake of using your knowledge, because they are always in a problem when it comes to machines. But still you have a lot of female attention and they have to be good to you to learn from you.

7. I am not funny enough.

The good wooers are always blessed with a sense of humor as good as Paul Adams’ bowling action. I cannot comprehend any of them.

The women around them are always burbling with laughter. I believe they are either crazy or in a stupor.

8. And finally but most importantly. I suffer from “attention-paying deficiency”.

If you are beautiful, I will look at you, may be stare at you. But I won’t come up to you and tell you that “I would have married you straight away only if  I didn’t have an assembler to code right now.” And that is where the problem lies. Most of the females would take that for an insult and tell me that “You do not pay attention to details” while the only thing they want me to pay attention to is them.I would know that it is “Women’s Day”, but I won’t go around wishing every woman I meet, as if she’s just beaten Serena Williams in a three setter. The concept itself is a complete farce but then again comes the question of  ”Paying attention to details”.

Let me clear this for once and all, that I pay attention only if you are Sachin Tendulkar and batting or you are Manchester United and playing football. I have the highest regard for details in such cases only.

Whatever else may be adding to the failure of my wooing skills, the major reason is that I have never felt the need to practise them till date. If I ever feel the need to woo somebody, I would surely not go around “Cuting” eveything I come across, imitate Lasith Malinga’s hairstyle, stop wearing Man United jerseys, learn all possible coding languages, slap people around, crack lame “wisecracks” or flatter people by telling them “You are more beautiful than Miss Sierra Leone”.

The day I unravel the mystery named “Woman”, you will find me adding unconventional ways of successful courting to the above list. And when that does happen I would go around wishing all women a “Happy Women’s Day”.

To The Commissioner

Dear Mr.Commissioner,

In 2008 you sold franchises,players, TV rights and title sponsorship.You imported cheerleaders, which didn’t please some anti-social elements who themselves ogled at them but labelled it indecent. Shahrukh, Aamir and everyone of any importance in the glamour world would ply to the grounds. On the field, players came and players went some injured, some exhausted, some slapping each other, some crying but the festivities were on. And as an Indian, I loved it. For the first time I had something to cheer for at the local level. I loved our city team so much that I went to the extent of jeering our national players from opposing teams. I loved everything that was put before me wrapped in the colors of ‘DLF IPL’.

But, there was one unhappy soul who would continuously nag me about you. Media circus, a gimmick, a money making machine was how he would describe the event. However, he said something about you which didn’t go down well with me and I still remember his words.

Cut to 2009.Elections in the air.Security concerns. Boycott protests. Players from certain countries being threatened. But, you played a masterstroke,allaying all fears and took your troupe to South Africa.The party began there. The Vuvuzela horn, DJs on the ground, more cheerleaders and more atifices. On the field, you introduced a break midway during an innings so that you could usher in a few more ads. The ‘DLF maximum’ and the ‘Citi moment of success’ were commonplace if you were a TV viewer. And yes how can I forget the ‘ZooZoos’.But my friend was still displeased with your stratagem.

Back to home. This term, you have brought back a whole bunch of ideas from the Southern hemisphere and put forth a few of your own. The Vuvuzela horn, DJs, cheerleaders, ‘DLF maximum’ and ‘Citi moment of success’ are still an integral part of the IPL. In addition, two ‘Maxx mobile strategic time-outs’, a ‘Karbonn Kamal catch’, another ‘Karbonn Kamal catch’ for the spectators in the mid-innings break and ads between balls have been added to the gamut. Besides, the ‘ZooZoos’ still inhabit my TV screen and I can no longer tolerate listening to Laxman Sivaramkrishna(the no.of gods in your name is not related to your balling or commentating skills), Russel Arnold or Jeff Dujon’s commentary.

And yes you would like the fact that I have not written anything about the ‘Cricket’ being played as there is so much around it to dwarf the sport into a mere formality. Your presence at the grounds is telecast more than the replays of a good catch or a stroke. The same implies for other ‘important’ people.

My friend says that he is still against your methods and that it is not good for the game. He has instigated me to think about supporting your views and on some contemplation I could remember his words during IPL -1.

I wonder whether he will prove right or wrong but this is what he said,
“Naam nahin mera Lalit Modi,
Agar cricket ki maa nahin ch****”

Yours sceptically
Friend of an
Ex- cricket fan

Vote for Me

With the elections around,it is necessary for me to get a voter’s id card.I was deprived of exercising my right to vote in the Lok Sabha elections due to the lack of it.So,I decided to get one made and being a responsible citizen cast my vote.The authorities launched a website which further encouraged me and I googled mumbaicityelection.org.The search results returned prevented me from visiting the page(Why? Please try this small experiment yourself).But determined as I was, I pasted the link on the address bar and voilà,I felt proud, we are finally there among the developed nations.Indian election commission owns a website where you could apply for voter ids online.The future looks bright,shortly we will be able to apply for birth-certificates(I remember going to the BMC office to get a new BC made at 12.30pm and being almost sent back for coming during the lunch break,which starts at 1.00.However my concocting skills helped and the ‘saheb’ accepted my applicaiton with a blithely,’bag re,kai aahe yacha’ to his subordinate.),death-certificates,ration cards,marksheets et al online itself,sigh,that will spare me running around for my children.But then I realised that all this would be useless once the ‘Unique Id cards’ are out, something like the US SSN,that further added to my pride.Ha! watch out US India is almost there.

Back to mumbaicityelection.org,a very user-friendly interface, nice look and working links.I went through the process to search for my name in the voter’s list of my constituency.And there it was,’No Records Found’,it shattered my hopes and all the pride went to dust.What a disappointment!It was something like Liverpool scoring an injury time winner at Old Trafford.Not getting bogged down I tried another link to register myself in the voter’s list.I had to fill a form,provide a photo which was placed correctly on the form automatically and then get a printout.What I was supposed to do with it? Submit it to another ‘saheb’ at a Municipal School 3 kms from my house.There again early lunch or tea breaks would prevent me from being vote listed.

How has the website changed the process?You can fill the form and paste your photo online and it literally does that.A 3km travel and appeasing the ‘saheb’ is still necessary to get your name on the voter’s list.A matter of fact is that the form you fill online is also available at the Municipal School where you submit it.So why waste electricity ,printer ink and paper instead of paste,pen ink and paper.

On contemplating much on this subject,I realised that an easier way to get your voter’s id is to stand for the elections itself.However,age is a stumbling block.But it won’t be a concern 5 years hence,unless the Government is dissolved before hand.So,don’t be surprised if you find me contesting the Maharastra State Assembly elections in 2014 and the primary issue that I will address would be the allocation of voter id cards.My motto will be,’Tum mujhe vote do,main tumhare gharwalon ko voter id doonga’.

A more convenient alternative is to be hopeful that there would be a change and one that actually changes unlike the present one.

“It doesn’t work to leap a twenty-foot chasm in two ten-foot jumps.”
-American Proverb

4 months and 17 days

That is how long after I am blogging. What I have achieved in this time? Academically another semester cleared without any glitches, physically half a kg (not visible though), emotionally a lot, but mentally immense.

I  now do things which not only interest me,but also help my education(I don’t mean anything related to engineering by that).Instead of being wasteful playing computer games,I invest time in reading, browsing the internet  for knowledgeable material rather than warcraft patches and max payne 2 cheatcodes,writing articles and scripts(I doubt any director would buy them) instead of watching wwe.I still love doing whatever I have stopped doing but I don’t engage in it any longer and how did this transformation come about?

Remember Mark Twain’s quote,”I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” It’s exactly the opposite in my case.My schooling,the college I study in is responsible for the change.No it’s not that our college discourages or punishes  students playing videogames, but the people I meet in college. My peers in college have interests which interest me a lot. Persons intersted in GK quizzes, directing movies, reading great books(which inspired me to join a very good library), discussing  sports, enterpreneurship( I missed a great chance to work with them on this front) have helped me explore my interests deeper.

This is not a self-analytic essay but a self-awakening one. I was always interested in these activities but somewhere in the last few years they had stopped attracting me.I had pushed myself into a dark tunnel at the end of which I could see light but never thought about reaching it.I indulged into some futile habits(not smoking or drinking,nothing of that type) but I had stopped exercising my mind, I had stopped thinking.I took things as they would come, not using the few ounces of muscle in my head, not striving,not being restive. But it has all changed.The last 4 months and 17 days have rekindled a fire that had been put off 4 years and 17 months back.Unlike Mr.Twain my schooling has definitely interfered with my education.

P.S.: Since I have been talking so much about the past 4  months, I am pasting down some gems I have collected during the time. The ones I have written have been passed to few so I am not adding them here.

Surprise in Heaven

Anonymous

I dreamt death came the other night

And Heaven’s gate swung wide.

An angel with a halo bright

Ushered me inside.

And there! To my astonishment

Stood folks I’d judged and labeled

As “quite unfit”, “of little worth”,

And “spiritually disabled”.

Indignant words rose to my lips

But never were set free,

For every face showed stunned surprise –

Not one expected me!

1.Surprise in Heaven   (Bitter truth)

Anonymous

I dreamt death came the other night

And Heaven’s gate swung wide.

An angel with a halo bright

Ushered me inside.

And there! To my astonishment

Stood folks I’d judged and labeled

As “quite unfit”, “of little worth”,

And “spiritually disabled”.

Indignant words rose to my lips

But never were set free,

For every face showed stunned surprise –

Not one expected me!

2.Our Lips and Ears  (Take a bow!)

Anonymous

If you your lips would keep from slips,

Five things observe with care:

Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,

And how and when and where.

If you your ears would save from jeers,

These things keep meekly hid:

Myself and I, and mine and my,

And how I do and did.

3.MACBETH.ZIP  (Trully MACBETH zipped)

by Kevin Rettig

Life is a candle.

Guilt is a spot.

The one goes out.

The other does not.

4.Résumé   (Best of the lot)

by Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;

Rivers are damp;

Acids stain you;

And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren’t lawful;

Nooses give;

Gas smells awful;

You might as well live.

Six One Nine Connects

“Pinfall 1..2..3″ shouts Jim Ross and I punch the air with joy.Another edge-of-the-seat thriller involving Rey Mysterio.You must still be trying to apprehend the title if you are not a WWE freak.And if you know what ’619′ is then you surely know what a ‘finishing move’ is and undoubtedly know that 619 is Rey Mysterio’s finishing move.For those not acquainted with these terms visit wwe.com or watch ten sports at 5 on any monday evening.

I know people who watch WWE and condemn wrestling obsessed maniacs like me.The reason they give for their criticism of this sport is, “Its all fake”.Even I know that.But wasn’t fiction supposed to be entertaining? If not, damn all those movies and novels.Even cricket was fake(match fixing) for a decade or so and the worst part of it was we didn’t know that.In this case, at least I have not been enlightened to the fact that the sport is phony.Right from day two (surely not day one), that I have been watching WWE I knew that it was unreal,but I watch it because it entertains me and don’t mind being condemned for that.Period.

You would believe me if I tell you that WWE led me to dementia if you met Chintan and Kalpesh-two of the victims of my wrestling obsession. Kalpesh escaped a ‘F5′ with only a scar on his head and Chintan had a stomach ache for two days after I delivered the ‘Spearhead’ on him.

The burden of studying Computer Engineering and the attraction of football, however,  has designated WWE the status of being almost my “ex”.The other major factors that affected our relationship were:

1.The introduction of some boring international stars(the likes of Khali from India,Vladimir from Russia, a certain Santiago Marella from Italy,Funaki from Japan et al)to attract global finances.

2.Many stars changing loyalties to a rival wrestling circus ‘TNA’.Kurt Angle and Booker T are the ones I miss who now trade their skills in ‘TNA Ke Sikander’(with a Sonjoy Dutt,puke).TNA is to WWE what ICL is to IPL:No match.

3.Some of my favourite wrestlers are no longer a part of WWE(The Rock a.k.a. Dwayne Johnson of The Scorpion King fame entered Hollywood,late Chris Benoit,late Eddie Guerrero,Brock Lesnar…….the list is too long).

4.The lack of creativity on the part of the WWE scripters to come up with new finishing moves for their newer employees.

But I have not yet called off my relationship with WWE.I still get glued to it if I am not watching BPL highlights on Monday evenings and have nothing more important to do.There are some WWE features that nevertheless attract me:

1.The Entrance Music(John Cena’s entrance song “World Life” is the only rap I have ever liked)

2.Divas (drool):Trish Stratus, Stacy Keibler,Torrie Wilson,Sable,Debra.

3.T-Shirt Quotes:(John Cena’s “Hustle Loyalty Respect”, Stone Cold’s “F**k Fear Drink Beer” & Eddie Guerrero’s “I Lie,I Cheat,I Steal” are my top 3.)They are too true to be ignored.

4.The finishing moves.Yes you read it right.I contradict myself here.

I have been trying to make up my mind on the ‘all time top ten coup de graces’ and after much contemplation the following list was prepared.

10.Undertaker’s Tomb Stone Pile Driver

9.Chris Benoit’s Crippler Cross-Face

8.Shawn Micheal’s Sweet Chin Music

7.Goldberg’s Spearhead

6.The Rock’s Rock Bottom

5.Stone Cold Steve Austin’s Stunner

4.John Cena’s FU

3.Brock Lesnar’s F5

2.The Rock’s People’s Elbow(Yes he had two)

1.You guessed it! Rey Mysterio’s 619

But like all happy things,my fling with WWE  will also come to an end(I hope not)and whenever it does I can always say that WWE was my best ‘ex’.

PS: It’s 10 days to my COA exam and I do not know a word of it.Three months from this date if I get a 619 on my result then I would surely yell out like Jim,”619 connects”.

Freakometer

To use the F-word is no big deal today.Watching football players use it quite frequently on TV makes it seem cool. But just to avoid the practice of using it at home as well,I appended …reak after F and managed to be cool as well as not abusive(or whatever’s the antonym for abusive).Then there was further addition and I realized that F*** had changed to freak and freak to freakometer(Quite an introspection!).

What is this “freakometer” and how did it come to me?

Well I first tried to answer the latter part and didn’t come up with anything satisfactory.But once in the EDC lab in college it struck me,”Eureka!! its all because of these meters I work with(volmeter,ammeter et cetera)”.

I have been using them since a year so I was not surprised to unravel this mystery.Besides my tendency to measure everything,even happiness, must have played a part.I know that “Happiness is immeasurable” and all….but not in my case.I am no digital signal to have only two states “happy” and “unhappy”,my happiness varies.I am ecstatic when manutd win with a late goal, I am glad if we scrape through to a draw and I am elated when we give a thumping to some team.If happiness was immeasurable then why these adjectives?

The former part now.On analysing(which I usually don’t),I found that the freakometer is one of those creations of my bizzare imagination powers which could prove highly useful.It would be a meter( like one of your lovemeters and all)wherein you could enter your obsession and see how big a freak you are about something.It would give ratings from 1-100.I will start with myself and enter Manchester United and it would show 100(Freakometer!! I am the biggest ManUtd freak).So it could be a solution to many problems and end many arguments.

I have seen people supporting two clubs(Arsenal and ManUtd,Liverpool and ManUtd)and they would be next to try my invention.The ratings would prove their loyalty.Then I would get the ratings of all the ManUtd fans which would surely be less than 100 and thus end the debate between them and me.

This wouldn’t be limited to Football.You could make all the politicians use it to find out who’s the biggest ” India” freak and I will be surprised if the ratings go beyond 30-40 for any of them.Vote for the one who has the highest numbers and your “voting dilemma”  ends.

Other applications could be deciding on what to listen to “Bryan Adams”,”Metallica”,”Pink Floyd”….Just enter the names and your problem is solved.One curious use could be to enter “bathing” and show the rating  to your mom the next time she asks you to have a bath on a Sunday morning.One more….uh! the list is endless.

But one thing is for sure once I design this breakthrough instrument I will name it “Freakometer Beta”,so you don’t swear at me or sue me if the ratings are hard to digest.(Learned this from Google…remember “gmail is still Beta” and even “orkut is beta”)